Don’t smoke dope when designing your cellphone…

In Uncategorized on November 23, 2010 at 10:05 am

Today my hatred for your phone is fueled by Trader Joe’s Coffee and Thomas and Friends.  Yeah that’s right, Phonefreek has a kid and appreciates the priciples of fair-trade.  But let’s be honest, my hatred for your phone doesn’t need the aid of shitty cartoons.  All it needs is… your phone.  Since we last spoke in January, I have had the displeasure of using the Sprint EVO 4g, and the Samsung Mezmerize as my daily drivers.  The result could be summed up as shit and shittier.

I used the EVO 4g for a solid month.  This was a very telling month for the EVO because it was during the transition from Android 2.1 to Android 2.2.  I cannot describe a more maddening experience than watching all the fanboys froth at the mouth as they received the newest iteration of the sloppiest OS since Blackberry.  The problem was, I am not a zit-faced, no-pussy getting, brainwashed fan-boy.  I saw Android 2.2 for what it was.  Google calls it “Froyo”, but I think it more closely resembles a steaming pile of dog shit.  It made my phone worse.  It messed up every streaming music service by causing songs to skip and reducing the sound quality.  This is a huge part of what many people use a smartphone for.  How else am I going to do my part to properly fuck the music industries ass if I cant listen to Pandora?  The slew of other bugs are well documented and I won’t bore you with the sordid details.  I will bore you with the fact that the phone is just simply too big for any normal human being that leaves his house every once in a while (I know this doesn’t apply to many of you) and puts his phone in his pocket.

One more bone to pick before I move on to the Mesmerize.  HTC has got to be kidding me with these cameras that they’re putting on their phones.  The EVO, the Incredible, even the new Windows HD7 has a camera that sticks out an 8th of an inch off of the back of the device.  You have no choice but to destroy the camera every time you set it down.  RECESS THE CAMERA YOU DUMB THAI STICK SMOKING FUCKS AT HTC!  Your country is good for 2 things, making cell phones and birthing underage male hookers.  So as you can see, you really might want to make this cell-phone thing work out.

Next up, my rant on the Mezmerize…

  1. This is genius.

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